Some days are ones you want to remember forever, and some
are days you would rather forget. September 22 is one of the latter. It’s also
the day that changed my life drastically.
Eleven years ago on that date, my beloved husband and
soulmate left this world. I can’t begin to describe the devastation in my very being
that accompanied that experience. Praying for a miracle until Steve’s last
breath, I can only say that I did not feel anger at God, but I was extremely
disappointed.Today, I still feel the pain of loss, but it is different.
If you’ve read many of my blogs, you’ve probably noted quite
a few have regarded prayer, and my journey toward a deepening faith. Over the
years, God has proven to me that He will help make lemonade out of lemons.
So what has the past shown me? Prayer is still important.
Although I can’t fathom why Steve wasn’t spared, I do know this – death is not
a punishment. How could an afterlife filled with love and understanding be bad?
I also know that God’s promise to be with us in time of
trial is real. What I could not voice to others, I could to God. Lamentations,
wailing, searching for answers were all in His domain; no one could understand
them more than He.
While I would certainly rather have Steve beside me, healthy
and loving, I know that God has provided me with opportunities to make some good
from my tragedy (and, yes, I do consider his loss a tragedy).
- I have been given the gift of writing inspiration. To be able to touch and encourage others is quite remarkable.
- To be a Stephen Minister and help someone who is going through some of the same challenges I myself have been through, is a true privilege. To know that I am simply doing God’s work is a humbling honor.
- Realizing that our purpose in life is to love and encourage one another is a blessing. And to know that we have the power to make this world a better place for ourselves and others is highly gratifying.
- Simply to know that our lives have meaning, and that faith gives hope, is a true gift from God.
Eleven years ago, I could not speak my faith as I do now.
That was partly due to not really understanding the full spectrum of my belief,
and not actually acknowledging that it is He, and not I, who determines what is
best for (and in) the world. Frankly, I’m glad that isn’t my responsibility, but most
importantly, I have comfort and peace in knowing Steve is in good hands until
eternity unites us once again.
