Good Days and Bad Days – September 22 is One of the Latter

Some days are ones you want to remember forever, and some are days you would rather forget. September 22 is one of the latter. It’s also the day that changed my life drastically.

Eleven years ago on that date, my beloved husband and soulmate left this world. I can’t begin to describe the devastation in my very being that accompanied that experience. Praying for a miracle until Steve’s last breath, I can only say that I did not feel anger at God, but I was extremely disappointed.Today, I still feel the pain of loss, but it is different.

If you’ve read many of my blogs, you’ve probably noted quite a few have regarded prayer, and my journey toward a deepening faith. Over the years, God has proven to me that He will help make lemonade out of lemons.

So what has the past shown me? Prayer is still important. Although I can’t fathom why Steve wasn’t spared, I do know this – death is not a punishment. How could an afterlife filled with love and understanding be bad?

I also know that God’s promise to be with us in time of trial is real. What I could not voice to others, I could to God. Lamentations, wailing, searching for answers were all in His domain; no one could understand them more than He.

While I would certainly rather have Steve beside me, healthy and loving, I know that God has provided me with opportunities to make some good from my tragedy (and, yes, I do consider his loss a tragedy).

• I have been given the gift of writing inspiration. To be able to touch and encourage others is quite remarkable.
• To be a Stephen Minister and help someone who is going through some of the same challenges I myself have been through, is a true privilege. To know that I am simply doing God’s work is a humbling honor. 
•  Realizing that our purpose in life is to love and encourage one another is a blessing. And to know that we have the power to make this world a better place for ourselves and others is highly gratifying.
• Simply to know that our lives have meaning, and that faith gives hope, is a true gift from God.

Eleven years ago, I could not speak my faith as I do now. That was partly due to not really understanding the full spectrum of my belief, and not actually acknowledging that it is He, and not I, who determines what is best for (and in) the world. Frankly, I’m glad that isn’t my responsibility, but most importantly, I have comfort and peace in knowing Steve is in good hands until eternity unites us once again.