Reflections on the Past Twelve Years

Twelve years ago today, the life I had known for 37 years came abruptly to an end − my husband's physical presence was no longer a part of it. Soon after we began dating in 1969, I knew no matter what the future held, he would always be a part of me. As I reflect on the years since, several things stand out:

• I still grieve and miss Steve every minute of every day, but I've learned that life continues to have good moments
• Loneliness doesn't have the same meaning. I do not get lonely when by myself, but I yearn for Steve's company
• The only real cure for sadness is to concentrate on others and try to make this world a better place, something we all should do
• Writing to Steve on important dates in our lives is cathartic, and I still continue to journal daily
• Writing has been God's gift to me. Although I've always written fairly well, my genre and focus has changed from business and formal to inspirational and warm and fuzzy
• Although there is nothing personal I wouldn't trade to have Steve in my life again, I realize there are  positives which would not have occurred otherwise such as starting a senior social group at my church. (God  really does help us to make lemonade out of lemons)
• My independence has grown. I've always been capable of functioning on my own, but I am capable of more than I might have ever guessed  

Steve always said we made each other better people, and he is still influencing me toward that end. And even though life certainly didn't turn out the way we expected − only one of us to enjoy seeing our sons married and settled in life, and delighting in becoming a grandparent; taking trips in our retirement; and just growing old together − I live somewhat vicariously through others who are lucky to have what we could not. That too is one of those moments that still brings a little unexpected happiness into my life.