Handling Conflict

Most of us don't like conflict and will do whatever we can to avoid it. But still, there are a few individuals who seem to thrive on it.

Fortunately, the Bible does tell us how to handle it in Matthew 18:15-16: "If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.'" Now if anyone has found that to be easy, please let me know.

When I was a new preschool director, I quickly learned how easily rumors spread and how devastating results of conflict can be. I wish I had known of the aforementioned verse before I finally figured it out on my own.

I truly questioned (and still do) the motives of anyone who would tell others what terrible things were said about them. It has no purpose other than to add to the contention. Finally, I made it mandatory to handle conflicts one-on-one, and if it couldn't be resolved between the two individuals, then they were to come to me. That worked!

To this day, I deplore rumors. I currently know of an individual who has been hurt in the past and wishes to make the life of those she holds responsible as unsettling as possible by spreading untruths or putting a negative spin on everything. The truly sad thing is that she could be very likable if she wanted to be.

So what can be done to stop such conflicts, especially if someone is not willing to halt such behavior? It's best to remember that those who try to make others miserable are also miserable, too. In such cases, I think it comes down to prayer and asking God to give guidance in dealing with the issue, and to help heal the person's wound so that the behavior ceases. At least that's my plan.

Reflections on Getting Older

At one time, I awaited my birthday much like Christmas. It couldn't arrive fast enough. Now that I'm older, that has changed significantly, at least in regard to my birthday.

On the positive side, doesn't wisdom accompany each year of life? I'm no Soloman, but there are a few lessons I've learned over the years. For one thing, I don't feel the need to please everyone, but I do feel the need to do the right thing. It's a no-brianer that we all have a responsibilty for this world and to each other. Looking back over the last year, it's important for me to see that I've made a positive difference.

Appropriate appearance is still important for me as well as others, but I'm much less judgmental. We are Biblically cautioned many times about judgment, so it's become a conscious effort of mine not do so rashly, especially when it comes to placing value superficially. The result is that I'm less concerned about my own vanity and more open to some wonderful friendships that might not have occurred.

I also find myself to be more aware of my actions. I don't want others to see my imperfections as an excuse to label all Chritians or to deny themselves an opportunity to explore a belief. It's my goal to live my life in such a way that makes others see that this is how we should live.

My bucket list from younger years has changed significantly. The urgency to do many things, especially the things that are more self-absorbed and oriented, have been replaced with what truly gives life meaning. Pleasing myself fails in comparison to making a difference for others and leaving this world a little better place than when I arrived.

I appreciate the everyday things a bit more like a gorgeous sunset, the sweet smell of lilacs in the wind, and especially trees. My love affair with the latter has been on-going for some time, but I eagerly await the change of seasons just to see nature's response. I count these things among my blessings.

I am also thankful to everyone for their well wishes on my birthday and offers of assistance during my recent bout with an infection. Know that you are also among my most cherished blessings.

So when my birthday arrives next year, I hope to have learned more about being a better human being. It's a never-ending goal we should all set for ourselves. That's how we truly make this world a better place.

Optimism Beats the Alternative

I am a born optimist. It's how I choose to live my life and it saddens me to think of those who can only see negatives. You know this type of person because they are difficult to be around, and  unfortunately, they are also the people most in need of God's love and yours.

When Jesus said to "love one another as I have loved you," he gave us a difficult command. Living your life in simple terms to "love your neighbor as yourself" and "... do to others what you would have them do to you" (Matthew 7:12 NIV) is a great way to live, but it doesn't come easy. Perhaps the biggest opposition to that is judgment, and we humans are great at it!

We judge with both prejudice and pride, and often do so unknowingly. Sometimes there are even seemingly innocent influences that we don't even notice. If you are surrounded by, listen to, and read negatives all day long, that is definitely going to slant your outlook on life.

If you listen to music or play video games that promote violence, or watch movies and shows that exploit and degrade others, it can't help but influence you. It might even be a joke, or a TV reality show that documents people at their worst behavior. If you are entertained by those kinds of things, just be cognizant of how you might generalize people who possess a tiny resemblance to those negatives.

The key to remaining optimistic is to keep things in perspective. Just because you hear about atrocities doesn't make the entire world a bad place, especially when there is so much good we can do. In fact, I firmly believe that our humanity is best shown when we feel outrage upon learning of bad things because if most of us didn't do the right things, this world would be intolerable.

Instead of negatives, try reading great inspirational magazines such as Living World at: Living Word Magazine and watching shows such as "The Secret Millionaire." Make note of the many positive things that happen, and live to serve others. No one can wallow in self pity if the focus is on others.

Proverbs 11:27 (NIV) states: "He who seeks good finds goodwill, but evil comes to him who searches for it." As for me, I'd rather be an optimist and choose the good.

The Goodness of Prayer

I admit that sometimes I'm a little confused when it comes to prayer. I don't just pray every night, I talk to God many times throughout the day. Strangely enough, even though I wrote the draft of this blog several days ago, prayer became a topic of discussion in the religion section of the Lawrence Journal World today.

Like many supplicants, I ask for healing, comfort, peace, etc. for those in need with special focus on those for whom I've been asked or especially want to pray. Recently, I've begun to pray that those circumstances be known to the one for whom I pray. Not everyone I pray for is of the same belief that I am, so it more like my asking God to do what is best for them and make it known to them.

One of my favorite parts of the Lord's prayer is "thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven." Wow! Can you imagine anything better than that? But it does make one wonder why we need to offer a special prayer for healing, etc. Isn't God's will what we should really pray for since we know that He wishes only good for us? And how great would it be if earth were really like Heaven?

A pastor once explained that our special prayers are a way for us to acknowledge that God is in control. It's heartbreaking to pray for healing of a loved one when it doesn't occur. After all, doesn't Matthew 7:7 say "Ask and it will be given to you...?" Matthew 17:20 also tells us "... if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move."
Like so much other misunderstood scripture, we sometimes want to take things verbatim and apply it to all things instead of what was actually attended.

We don't like to be disappointed, and sometimes it's a blessing that we don't get what we ask for. I can then think of no greater prayer that to ask that God's will be done, even when it's contrary to ours.

The Best Investment

We automatically think that investments are things we put our trust into whether it's financial or emotional support. We buy real estate, stocks, antiques, etc. all in the hopes of receiving some type of personal gain. But, we often forget the most important investment that is our fellowman.

Believing in someone is the most important commitment we can make, yet we often fail to show it. How difficult is it to say encouraging words to someone who is doing a good job? What about a child who just accomplished a difficult task?

Occasionally we may underestimate the power we have. We don't speak up or take action because we think what we do won't matter, BUT it does. The popular phrase, "you can't save the world" is not entirely correct. Maybe one person can't do it by him or herself, but if everyone contributed, the impact could and would change the world.

A case in point is feeding the hungry. It's sad to note that there is enough food for everyone on the planet, but the uneven distribution of it allows for thousands to die each day from starvation. A little investment in those in need could make quite a difference.

It's a simple thing to pick up a few extra items at the grocery store and give to a food pantry. If you attend church, many have receptacles in which those items can be placed. Many churches will also accept donations to purchase items for the local pantry, and funds given directly to organizations that feed the hungry are always appreciated. There are also Internet sites that allow you to purchase livestock to help a family become independent farmers in a third world country.

We can't deny there is need around the world and at home, and there will always be until we make an investment in our fellowman. The reward of making the world better for someone else is priceless. We, who have been blessed, have that power and responsibility. There is no waiting for this investment to make a positive yield.

Bragging or Sharing?

One of my favorite Biblical versus is Hebrews 10:24 - "Let us consider how to spur one another to love and good deeds." In fact, it was the basis of my third book.

One of the best ways to motivate others is to set an example. I think back to the time I heard of a woman who buys umbrellas at the dollar store and keeps them in her car to give out to those who are caught in a sudden downpour. Immediately, I followed suit because it was such a great and simple thing to do.

Now here is the dilemma - We aren't supposed to boast about our good deeds, but if no one hears about them, how do they follow our example? Jesus motivated people with the use of parables, and personal example. We are creatures who need ideas, and something to follow.

So, is there a difference between sharing and boasting? Absolutely! Boasting is self-gratification. Sharing is something we are supposed to do, and what better example than to share what we have been blessed to receive!

When I was writing Simple Things to Make This World a Better Place, it was difficult for many people to tell me about their good deeds. They didn't want to seem boastful, and many thought that you aren't supposed to tell others what you do - period! But, if you share your good deeds with others and make it clear why you are doing so, no one can think that you are doing it to receive praise. Of course, giving in anonymity is often the most rewarding personally, but it doesn't exactly provoke others to do likewise if they never know about it. You can't follow a lead if it isn't there.

The bottom line is to not be afraid to share good ideas for ways to care for your fellowman. Just remember and make it clear why you do it. It's already helped me to add additional content to my book.

Doing the Right Thing

Just the other day, I received a reimbursement check from my prescription drug insurance company due to overcharging on the copay. Since it was for a drug costing over $4,100+ per month, I am fortunate to receive some assistance on the exorbitant amount of the copay through the Chronic Disease Fund (CDF). The check really belonged to them.

I decided to make a call to CDF and ask them what to do with the check. The very sweet customer service representative asked the amount - $48 and change, - and said she would need to email her supervisor. Apparently, this was an issue she had never before encountered, but one I hope she needs to address from others who receive a similar check.

After a brief pause, she stated that her supervisor said that I could keep it or send it back, and I wasn’t “obligated” in any way to do the latter. Although that was very nice to say I could keep it, not being obligated is not the same as being right. I didn’t pay the copay – they did. So of course, I asked the address of where to send my personal check since I could not forward the check sent to me.

Why did I choose to do the right thing? Aside from the fact that the money is restored to the fund to help others, it wasn’t because I’m above temptation, I assure you. It was because of the guidance that popped into my head via Luke 16:10 – “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.” Message received - God's gentle reminder to me to be trustworthy.

It’s just another way how the Bible tells me I can help to make this world a better place, one simple thing at a time.