Another Ah-ha Moment on Prayer

It has taken me more than 10 years on the subject, but I finally had another ah-ha moment. This time in regard to prayer.

When my husband was told he was terminal with 3 months to live, we both cried. It was then I began to pray incessantly for a miracle. Sometimes that would be for an entire hour before I could even think of sleeping. And when the doctor told us, "you need to get your affairs in order. Do you understand what I'm saying?" we understood all too well.

My prayers became more frequent and fervent. My supplications were almost vigilant as every moment was spent pleading for Steve's life. I prayed for a miracle up until his last breath.

Surprisingly, I was never mad at God for not granting my prayer (along with the prayer of numerous others), but I was certainly disappointed. Didn't I do what we are told to do and pray continuously and with focus? Didn't I have faith that God would grant my prayer? I thought so.

Before closing my eyes the other night, I realized something - my epiphany regarding prayer. In praying for that miracle, I acknowledged two things: 1) I am not the one in control, and 2) I believe God can do anything. It's also how I learned to talk to God throughout the day.

Although my mind may now wander sometimes during my nightly prayer (Max Lucado even admitted the same in his book, Before Amen: The Power of a Simple Prayer), God has my attention throughout the day, if only in shortened intervals. He did not grant my miracle, but He gave me increased faith and a more personal connection through prayer, regardless of whether it is answered yes or no.

I do have two reoccurring payers which are said after communion, and in my nightly prayer, both of which I'm 100% will be granted in some way. After communion, I ask God to "make me ever mindful of His sacrifice and presence." In my nightly prayer, I ask God "to help me know and do His will."  Both are critical to a life of faith.

So now I realize that the act of praying is as important as the request made in a prayer, and I'd love to know why some receive the answers they do. But in the end, I think I'm learning more about the nature of prayer - it is our actual relationship with the creator, and just like any relationship that is meant to endure, it has an unknown (to us) future, requires trust, relies sometimes on patience, and must have love as its foundation.