Hoping or Asking

I think I may have surprised a few of my fellow church council members when I was tasked with offering the ending prayer at our recent meeting. In fact, I'm pretty sure of it because I also surprised myself a bit.

In praying for a fellow council member's friend, who was just diagnosed with cancer, I invoked a plea to God that "we hope that you will send your healing..." That may have sounded different than asking, but even so, hope is still asking; it's just an admission that it might not be granted. Nevertheless it was an honest use of the word, and I think God does appreciate our honesty. Revelation 3:16 states: "So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth." (NIV) There may be a few liberties taken with my interpretation, but how's that for telling us that we should make a decision and be truthful about it? 

We've all asked for something in prayer and the answer was "no." In fact one of the most difficult things to grasp, I think, is John 14:13: "And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son." (NIV) We could ask to win the lottery, find a better job, or even a cure for cancer, but it obviously depends on what the request is rather than how we make it.

I've never prayed harder or more fervently than asking God for a miracle to heal my husband who was terminally ill. Unfortunately, the answer to that was "no," and it is still a difficult decision to accept. On the other hand, I have beseeched God for other things and received affirmative answers.

In the end, I have resigned myself to really asking for God's will rather than mine, but I still hope His will is what I ask. As I've mentioned in a previous blog, I know there are some things that we cannot change, even with prayer. God has a plan, and nothing will interfere with it. That may sound a bit pragmatic, but I still believe that it is right and expected that we should pray, ask and hope.

I also believe God wants us to rely on Him and to realize that His wisdom is far greater than ours. He will help us to make lemonade out of the lemons that befall us if we let him. For me, it was taking the biggest tragedy of my life in losing my husband and leading me to a deeper faith, and giving me a catharsis as a writer - evidence of both which you are now reading.

A Great Win-Win Offer

I love it when businesses do things right, and whenever that happens, I like to share it. It’s important to acknowledge and reinforce good behavior because it not only rewards the business and people representing it, but it ensures good future behavior as well. Even the Bible seems to address how important it can be to acknowledge what is right and good although I readily admit I’m probably taking some liberty with its intended meaning: Proverbs 15:23 states: A man finds joy in giving an apt reply – and how good is a timely word!

I am referring now to Hy-Vee grocery stories because there is a benefit for everyone with on-line shopping. For a mere $2.95, you can place an order online and then retrieve your groceries through the drive-thru during the hour block you choose. You must give a certain amount of time before picking up your items, but what a convenience this is for many of us! Delivery is just $4.95 and you can also choose the time that is convenient for you to receive it. (Tips are accepted for delivery, but generally not for pick-up). If you don't have Hy-Vee stores in your area, you might mention it to the grocery store where you shop. Competition often results in improvement.

The fees are now less than I paid some time ago for the same service. Apparently, Hy-Vee has discovered what a win-win situation this is for their business as well as the customers. More people might purchase from them because of this inexpensive service, and more people will benefit from it. Whether it’s a matter of convenience or much needed assistance, it’s definitely a plus, and one I intend to use a lot this summer.

A Tribute to George

Anyone who has read my book, Simple Things to Make This World a Better Place, is familiar with the section that offers 20 things one can do for those who have just lost someone close. But sometimes more is required, hence this tribute to George.

Upon learning of his passing that occurred last Friday, I immediately said a prayer for his wife Beth. There are marriages where you absolutely know God’s blessing was at hand, and theirs was one. I recognized it from my own experience, and I will be forever grateful to have had my wonderful husband on my life’s journey.

Just like my husband Steve, George was a genuinely caring and wonderful human being. He and Beth were one of the reasons I managed to survive my loss. They quickly came to my aid for anything, including helping me to move, fix a tire, and even hanging the draperies in my bedroom.  But they did something even greater for me - they invited me to a weekly Bible study group that provided a nice social outlet where I could strengthen my faith and grow spiritually.

Besides being a wonderful lector, cantor and choir member in our church, as well as a retired professor and former school board member, George was just one of those people you could easily trust and like. He lived his faith well, and participated in countless efforts to improve the life of others. Yes, the world truly lost a special person, and I’m sure everyone who knew him is very much aware of that fact.

In the coming days, I know it will be difficult for those who loved George not to have his physical presence, but I also know that this is the time when faith becomes most important. It is the hope to see our loved ones again and never to be parted for all eternity. I pray peace for his family with that affirmation.

Truly, George will be missed and he serves as a reminder, like many others who’ve gone before us, that we should all leave this world with a little void. As an old Indian saying goes, “When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice."

Rest in peace, dear George, and may God say to you, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

A Great Week

I've just had a delightful week - one of those weeks that make you glad to be alive. We've all had them, and we are grateful because we've also had the opposite - the kind that makes you wonder what else can go wrong.

Actually, my week didn't really get good until Wednesday. That's when one of my sons and I met with a retired mechanical engineer who advised us on obtaining a patent for something we've been working on for two plus years. I'm going to set up an appointment with a patent attorney in June, but the encouragement from someone who is knowledgeable about such matters is cause for elation.

There were other things that "just went right" during my week, but I want to concentrate on the experience just related. What is often said depends upon the value we have for the person who said it.

Like most, if not all, of us, I've had both compliments and not-so-nice things said to me, and the impact of those statements on my person varied greatly. I could be elated, crushed or simply not care depending upon their origin. Likewise, we can have the same positive or negative effect on others depending upon our value to them.

I think when we aren't having a great day or week, that's when it's important to remember how God values us, and that's what ultimately matters. It's not always easy to do. As humans, we can be hurt and hurt others, but it's also up to us to show that we are valued and that we value others.

Jesus wasn't concerned with what Herod or Pontius Pilate thought of him, but he managed to find value in everyone as a child of God. He was actually more concerned with what people thought of our father in Heaven, and wanted to impart first and foremost that our relationship with Him should involve both giving and receiving love. I'm going to try to remember that in the future, regardless of whether things go right or go wrong.

So for this brief moment in time, I'm going to be grateful that God values me and has also allowed me the experience of a great week. I'm also going to try very hard to remember that, even though I might not value what is said, I can nevertheless value the source.

An Ah-Ha Moment About Guilt and Regret

I've had two profound ah-ha moments, and one was most recently while talking to one of my sisters. The other occurred long ago when I realized what Jesus meant in loving our enemies. That is certainly one of the most difficult things to do, but if you pray for them to see the light and become better people, that is the ultimate victory. Revenge and getting even doesn't change the harm they did and will continue to do, but changing them for the good makes it possible for them to atone, and the world a better place for everyone.

Now for my second enlightenment, my sister and I were discussing the tragic losses of our beloved husbands to cancer. The "what ifs" surfaced in our conversation - we should have, if we'd known, etc. It was then I recalled something I'd been thinking about this past week.

Hindsight is always 20-20, but for those of faith, prayer is an important part of affecting future outcomes. We recognize that God can do anything. He is the ultimate healer whether through a direct miracle or through the hands of competent medical staff.

My sister and I, along with countless other family members and friends, prayed for a cure for our husbands, and we did so most ardently. God said "no." Now this is where the ah-ha moment comes in to play. God could also have said "yes." It wasn't our choice or within our power to decide.

Romans 8:28 states "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him..."but it would be difficult to argue that allowing a loved one to die is good. Instead, I think it simply means that God will help us to make lemonade out of lemons when He allows bad things to happen.

Ultimately, to think that we could have done anything further to contribute to the healing of our loved ones is to assume that we are in charge. If God had determined, because of all our prayers or His infinite wisdom that they should live, nothing we could do or didn't do would have stopped that from happening. If they were to live, God would have given us the foresight to do whatever was necessary to keep our loved ones with us. You cannot regret doing or not doing what is not your choice. 

There will always be regrets, but they shouldn't happen because we thought we should have known something in hindsight. We don't have the power of life and death, but we do have the power for other things to ease future regret for things we can affect. We can be nice to each other and try our best to live in a way that will make this world a little better when we leave it than when we were born. That's my goal.

What is Real Strength?

I watched a movie the other night that was based on a true story. It's called "The Cross and the Switch Blade" with Pat Boone in the title role. Although the cinema is very dated (from the 70s), it tells the story of David Wilkerson, a young pastor from the hills in Pennsylvania, who came to the gang neighborhoods of New York in hopes of bringing the message of love to those who needed to hear it most.

Of course, there was the bravado of the gang leaders, who didn't want to appear weak before others, and rebelled against the message. Winning over one of the leaders became the pastor's focus because he knew others would follow. If the meanest, toughest guy could admit he needed God's love, who beneath him could argue that they don't?

While some of the story line and acting seemed a bit too "staged," there was an ah-ha moment for me - one that I easily recognized: Real strength often comes from weakness. Knowing that you don't have to be weak, but allowing it for what is good, takes an effort from the divine.

In 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV), the Bible says: "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me." That is pretty awesome! But showing weakness is often something under-rated and unappreciated in our society.

It takes true strength not to retaliate when we are attacked either verbally or physically. To clarify, I'm not talking about situations where we should fight back such as when someone wants to do us or another bodily harm. I'm talking more about situations where someone tries to provoke us and maybe others are watching. It would be easy to answer in the same manner, but it takes real strength not to do so. At other times, it may simply be accepting help (even when you don't need it) because it will make the giver feel good.

The best example of strength in allowing weakness is Jesus on the cross. He could have commanded the angels to save himself, or to put an end to all the taunting and abuse he received from others. Instead, he gave the bravest demonstration of strength that the world has ever seen.

I can only pray that God makes me strong by giving me the courage to be weak.

Return to the Blog for Hayden

Some of you may have noticed that I've been dormant for a while, both in writing for The Examiner and my blog. It's simply due to a busy schedule and a wonderful memoir I am editing for a friend which I'll discuss at a later time. Suffice it to say, his story is pretty amazing to read for Christians as well as anyone who wishes to be inspired.

Now as to what caused my return to this venue - a story that aired last week about Hayden, a 12 year old boy, living in Basehor, KS. In 2014, he was diagnosed with a somewhat rare, but aggressive brain cancer that was later in remission. In February of this year, he and his mother learned that the tumors had returned and he was given less than 6 months to live. The story, which aired on WOW Channel 6 in Lawrence, KS, chronicled his diagnosis and his determination to live the remainder of his life to the fullest. His classmates have been supportive with a maturity well beyond their years, and his family shows a remarkable spirit in coping with this "every parent's nightmare" situation.

Now why am I most interested in this particular youth, aside from the fact that he is obviously courageous? He touches people and gives an exemplary response to something most of us find difficult - dealing with our mortality.

Dying is inevitable for all humans, but we most often choose to ignore that fact. We face it only when we are given a little more awareness of when that might be. How we accept our demise depends upon many things, but from my own experience in losing people close to me, I suspect that those who have faith may find it a little easier (at least eventually) than those without belief in something more. In fact, that is why I am still working on the book about dying and faith in the afterlife.

Included in my book are individuals who have, or are facing, the end of life. They chose to share their journey in coping toward acceptance as a means of helping others achieve that goal, and as a legacy of peace and comfort to those left behind. I am indebted for their honesty and willingness to disclose their thoughts during a most turbulent and personal time.

So what can the rest of us learn from this preteen and others who have faced death with dignity and courage? We can learn that life is fragile, and that the impact of having lived can never be fully known. Certainly, anyone who watched the news story, his family, classmates, teachers, medical staff, and all others with whom he has become acquainted will always remember Hayden. But his legacy to all of us is to live in the present for tomorrow may never come - live life to the fullest, beginning with this moment.

Please share this blog with others and post to your Facebook page. We are given the opportunity to make a difference for Hayden and his mom, and to give some relief for the material needs they experience so that they can instead concentrate now on what matters most - precious time together. To donate to Hayden: https://www.gofundme.com/haydensheroes.