New Year Resolution

It might be surprising to some, but I no longer make New Year's resolutions and haven't for some time. Instead, I just log what I do daily to try to make this world a little better place. I can't think of a better resolution than that.

This past year has proven to be an interesting one for me with the publication of two books, entries in two Chicken Soup for the Soul anthologies, and editing. As for next year, I anticipate some significant changes in 2020, some good and some challenging, but that is life. It's unknown, exciting, a bit fearful, all because nothing will ever be exactly the same and we can't predict the future. And maybe we really don't want to.

No matter what is on the horizon, I will gather with friends tonight on New Year's Eve (our annual tradition), and we will play cards and eat (hopefully most) of the remaining goodies left over from the Christmas season. I don't expect that particular tradition to change any time soon, but whatever does change, I know I have a fail-safe. If you are a person faith, you know to what and whom I refer.

To everyone reading this, I wish for you the best possible new year. Let's all try to make this world a better place―one day at a time regardless of whatever resolution you choose. 

Happy (2020) New Year!

My Ode to the Real Meaning of Christmas

Last year I wrote this poem for fun. It's not really what I do personally as those who know me realize I start buying gifts in July. I'm usually also finished around the first of December. But, in any case, enjoy and Merry Christmas!

‘Twas the Day Before Christmas

‘Twas the day before Christmas                                       I searched for some charities

No presents I’ve bought                                                     To give in their honor.

Where did the time go                                                         That’s the best gift of all

That I almost forgot?                                                           I began soon to ponder.

No wrapping or ribbons                                                      Now after the donations

Oh, what should I do?                                                          Were all given as gifts,         

My family expects something                                             I smiled as I realized

And it all must be new!                                                        The meaning of Christmas is this.

Away to my computer                                                         My family was thrilled

I flew like a flash                                                                   And the gifts were just right

For last minute gifts                                                             So I went to bed happy.

Please, system, don’t crash.                                             Merry Christmas to all and a

     peaceful good night!

I’ll order my gifts

And send e-cards their way.

I’ll have to pay extra

But that’s still okay.

Then as I sat there                                                   With apologies to Clement C. Moore

Ready to click enter,                                                           Vicki L. Julian

I paused for a moment

As I turned on my printer.

Are e-cards real gifts

To give from the heart,

Or just an obligation

That somehow did start?

So I reflected a minute

And thought what was right.

With so many in need,

I should be easing their plight.

My recipients don’t need gifts,

But there are others who do.

That should be my focus

And I hope my family’s too.

Almost Christmas

Last night I decided to drive downtown to see the Christmas lights. My city has done an outstanding job of decorating for the holidays and will leave most of the lights up until February 15. It's a matter of shining the way in the darkest time of the year.

I also thought about all the unfortunate individuals who will not experience the blessed Christmas that I will. My traditional, annual Christmas Eve open house will be attended by many family and friends, and then gifts will be exchanged. None of us need anything, and I always feel a little sad and guilty that I cannot share more with those who do have need, not that I don't try.

I also began to think more of those who have experienced loss of loved ones recently, or are having difficulty coping, even years later. I know I was still in shock the first Christmas after losing my husband. The second was even more difficult because I knew what was coming. My sons and I had to figure out how to do Christmas without the patriarch of our family. I knew we still needed to celebrate because Christmas is the beginning--if it hadn't been for the birth of Jesus, I would never again see my husband or other family members who have transitioned heavenly.  Now that is a gift.

May you all have a wonderful and blessed Christmas!

Bittersweet

I love Christmas―decorating, buying gifts, seasonal scents, carols, baking special foods, and the generally happy attitude of most people. It can pretty much be summed up in Luke 2:14 "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men." But it's also a little bittersweet for me...I miss my husband. While that's a daily sentiment, I particularly miss him at Christmas.

I begin decorating right after Halloween. The outside décor is completed on the first semi-warm day, but not turned on until closer to Thanksgiving. The inside of my home is fair game, but I still don't equal the eagerness of my daughter-in-law Erin. Her tree would be decorated in September, but my son won't let Trick-or-Treaters come to the door on Halloween and see a Christmas display.

Every year as I decorate my tree, I inspect each ornament and remember something about it. Those given to me by my husband are especially valued, like the gold plated, ornate ornament shaped as a Christmas tree. On one of his rare out of town business/training trips during a late summer decades ago, he found this special gift for me. A front, prominent location on the tree is always reserved to hang this keepsake. It's just one of such thoughtful ornaments Steve bought for me over the years. 

And, of course, I make a point of hanging those I bought for Steve, others that he especially loved, and even a few from our first Christmas together―mostly hand-painted wooden ornaments from a kit. They reside in the back of the tree now, but Steve always insisted there should be a few such mementos to display. 

There are also special ornaments purchased for my sons (yes, they have been offered to them for their own trees), or ones they gave to us when they were little. These are augmented now by some other cherished ornaments made or given to me by them and their wives.

I also have a set of six old world Santas that grace an end table. Steve saw these in a store and knew I had to have them as a pre-Christmas surprise. And then there are the stockings (too many for the mantle) so the rest are hung from a special stocking holder. 

My sons, daughters-in-law, and grandson's stockings take precedence over the fireplace; but mine, Steve's, our border collie/Springer spaniel mix pet (who has been gone for almost two decades and shared the name of a daughter-in-law), and my grandson's first Christmas stocking grace the bottom display along with two whimsical characters. Only the five above, and mine on the bottom, will be filled on Christmas Eve, but the others: Steve and Katie's (the dog), will always be remembered. There is, however, a chance that Maddox's second stocking may be filled too. It appears his grandma finds great pleasure in buying for him and can't seem to stop―one more tradition in the making! 

(Look for a photo soon to be uploaded on Facebook.)

What's Good

At a recent Halloween party, some friends and I began talking about items we really like and would recommend to others. I thought it would be good to share with you what is on my list. (Since I'm an avid fan of the shopping channels, some of those items were purchased from HSN or QVC, but you can most likely find them elsewhere.)

Z-VOX―I first saw this on HSN and requested it as a gift, but it is also available from other sources. I hear normal conversations just fine, however; I admit to having some difficulty hearing certain female voices on TV, or when actors are whispering. For a while, I increased the volume and took a tip from my sister to use the subtitles feature when watching some DVDs. But the Z-VOX eliminates my problem! It enhances voices and reduces the competing noise. It has various levels of clarity, and programs/movies can be watched at normal volume. I love, love, love this! If you have someone who has difficulty discerning certain levels of speech, this is an excellent gift. I've seen it priced around $120 to $150.

MALDEN MILLS POLAR FLEECE SHEETS―I purchased these from QVC three years ago. That first year, I also gave a set to each of my sons. One loved them as much as I did, and we both found ourselves taking them off to wash and immediately placing them back on our beds. Since then, I've purchased a total of nine sets, seven of those as gifts, and everyone loves them and requests a second set to avoid doing what Ryan and I did. As a plus, these are the easiest sheets in the world to take on and off; you never get into a cold bed; and because they breathe, you never get hot. Some people keep these on their beds year round, but I only do so from October through April. They have seasonal or plain designs, and currently, prices on sale range from $25–$45 (XL Twin– CalKing) This is a signifcant discount and, even not on sale, a terrific bargain!

GIANNIOS CHOCOLATES―I love, love, love these gourmet chocolates! I've tried brands offered by other shopping channels, and hands down, these are the best. They are definitely on par with other chocolatier offerings or specialty chocolates like Godiva. But just like other gourmet food, they are not inexpensive. If you pay attention, you can get these at a special sale price on HSN. They offer these in a variety of tins and sizes, and special boxes. For instance, their store in Chicago sells their chocolates at $15/lb. HSN has a 5.5lb. tin on sale for $69.95 with free shipping. At Halloween, their 5.5lb tins were even less.

These are only three items on my personal must have list. I suggest always checking other sources before purchasing an item from anywhere, but sometimes the shear volume of sales can result in a lower price as on a shopping channel. If there are must-have items on your list, please share them with me. We each have to decide what we really like, but it helps us make wise choices when we know something is a favorite of others.

A Love Story

Today marks the 13th anniversary of losing the man I loved for 37 years, just 11 days shy of his 56th birthday. It is a day I wish I could often forget, but not to accept that pain would cause me to also forget how very much I loved him and still do.

Steve and I became acquainted in 7th grade, 12 year olds who remained casual friends until a second semester advanced English class at KU provided an opportunity to actually spend some quality time together. After that class we had a break before going separate ways to the next one, so we "hung" out. Since we were both dating other people, we formed a close platonic relationship, but I enjoyed his company so much that I even skipped my first classes ever to be with him. It was natural, after our other relationships ended, our friendship became something more.

When Steve asked me out in late July, I said yes, and then almost canceled. I didn't want to lose my best male friend if the date didn't work out, but then I decided it was worth the chance. Obviously, it did work out and three and a half years later, we were married. Five and half years after that, our first son was born, and three years later, our younger son.

Steve and I made each other better people, and I think that has to be a defining characteristic of any great marriage. When one of us was weak, the other was strong. And that was especially true as we experienced health challenges. In fact, Steve still makes me a better person.

I would never be able to write the heartfelt words that I now do without knowing his loving tenderness. I would never feel so keenly the compassion for others who experience loss had I not so deeply felt that myself. I would not appreciate the loving relationships of others and be glad for them had I not experienced it too. And not only did Steve leave me with life lessons, he left me with two wonderful sons who have blessed me with their own families.

Though even with the pain of great loss, I am grateful. I thank God for putting Steve into my life, and not for one moment would I ever choose to forget that love never dies. 

An Alert and an Update to My Book

I received an interesting email yesterday, supposedly from our interim pastor who is resigning his post, and then leaving for three months to travel in Europe. Since his last day was Monday, it wasn't too odd that he requested help.

When asking how to help, the response was to purchase two $100 gift cards that he wanted to give, but had no time to buy himself. Okay, that could be plausible, but then the request was to acquire the PIN on the cards and email them to him. BINGO! Scam alert!

I, and a number of other members of the congregation immediately realized this was phishing. My main concern, however, was for those who may have received the obviously hacked email, and could possibly fall victim to the scam. Of course, the pastor immediately sent out an email to those he thought most likely to receive the bogus correspondence. but my name wasn't on it so I know there must have been many others who received the email as well. I tried to alert anyone I knew, but I'm now making this scam more public.

On a good note, I just ordered a proof copy of my next book, and if all goes well I'll be able to order actual books within two weeks, and it will be available on Amazon as soon as I am okay with the proof. I'm pleased with the content of 80 stories compiled into 241 pages, and grateful to all who shared their experiences. That required courage for contributors, even if it were only to credit their story with initials rather than full name. After all, the name of the book identifies what most of us believe about our own experiences―If It Hadn't Happened to Me...

God Winks and Contents

I love the idea of God winks. These are the little coincidences that are so bizarre, they appear to be more than just something random. It makes me happy to think I am being watched over, and sometimes even saved from my human self.

There have been many times it was good that I didn't receive what I wanted. And there were also times it was good I had no power over a result...because I was wrong. Not surprisingly, I love stories which speak to those matters. For that reason, it isn't difficult to guess the type of stories included in If It Hadn't Happened to Me. 

To give you a taste of what is included in my forthcoming book, the Table of Contents tentatively include chapter headings as Contact from Beyond, Premonitions and Knowing, Urges and Nudges, Seeing and Hearing What's Not Rational, Feeling out of Body, Odd Phenomena and Occurrences, Hearing the Voice of God (and Others).

As previously mentioned, in writing the book, I was not interested in the occult or anything scary. The idea was simply to show our connectivity with one another and our very being. I think I succeeded, but as with all things, I think the book will go where God wants it to go!

The Rest of the Story

I promised to post the rest of the story from my forthcoming book, If It Hadn't Happened to Me, and that follows below. Thus far, everything is going well with the schedule to publish on Amazon in September.

As you may recall, my intent was to show a connectivity between God's creatures, especially between humans. In writing this book, I found some very unusual and unexpected corroborative experiences as well as some that ranged from simple to a bit bazaar. Another discovery was that I am almost surprised now when someone says they have never had any kind of urging, premonition, or unexplained story to share, but we are all different in what we think, believe, or perceive. So, without further ado, here is the rest of my story with the last paragraph from the previous blog re-posted:

  Then, less than two weeks after losing Steve, I began noticing a particular scent. It really was more like an odor because it was exactly like the smell in his hospital room—a mixture of sterile hygiene and a body shutting down. It was very distinct.

  I tried to ignore the scent initially, but then began to notice how it came at different times and in different places in my home. I actually wondered if my mind was playing tricks on me. Finally I determined it was not; it was just too odd and consistent to ignore.

  I’m not someone who can think of a particular smell and then seemingly smell it so it was difficult to dismiss. I also wondered, if this were Steve making contact, why he didn’t pick something more pleasant such as the aroma of gingerbread we used to make. I finally guessed the chosen smell was more poignant and tried to “request” it when I really needed to feel Steve’s presence, but it never came. It only “appeared” when unexpected. Gradually, the scent became less frequent, and by the time I needed to move to another location 11 months later, it had been gone for months.

  It was difficult to leave the home Steve and I built and shared for 26 years. Our children grew up in the house, and Steve had engaged in so many big and little improvement projects over the years including landscaping, building a patio off the deck, and remodeling our entire kitchen. Leaving our home was like losing a piece of him again.

  When the last of our possessions were given away or moved to my new residence, I was very sad. As I got into bed that first night in my new townhome, I cried. And then I smelled the scent. I believe Steve let me know that he had moved with me. – The Author

Excerpt from If It Hadn’t Happened to Me

As promised, I've included another excerpt from my forthcoming book, If It Hadn't Happened to Me. This time, I'm sharing the first part of a story about my own experience.

In future blogs, I will give you a glimpse of the Table of Contents, and maybe a few more snippets from the book. I am grateful to the many contributors who made this collaborative work an interesting source of proof that there is still much unknown and greater than us in the universe.

The Scent

My soulmate and husband spent his last 10 days in the hospital succumbing to the cancer that had attacked his body for two and a half years. It was the worst experience of my life, but it was also a time of serious discussion. I finally had to face facts that my future would not include the man I loved most in the world, but that still did not stop me from praying for a miracle. 

During those 10 days, we spoke about everything − from how he wanted me to continue living to what happens next when someone dies. Like many people desperate not to lose someone so precious, I asked him to make contact with me if at all possible, and he promised he would. 

After losing him, I was devastated. I sat on the edge of my bed and stared straight ahead for what seemed like hours. I wailed and could find no peace. After a few days, I finally gave up hope that he would ever be able to make contact with me, except for one very strange dream. 

I was conscious of dreaming when the dream was suddenly interrupted. Steve appeared, completely devoid of any background. I was surprised and said, “Honey, you look so good.” No more was the gaunt face of illness and the ravaged effects of cancer on his body. He smiled and replied, “Vicki, I’m well,” and then he was gone, letting my dream resume. His appearance wasn’t like any dream I’d ever had, and it made me think of Biblical accounts where a prophet might have a vision within a dream. I just hoped it was real.

Then, less than two weeks after losing Steve, I began noticing a particular scent. It really was more like an odor because it was exactly like the smell in his hospital room – a mixture of sterile hygiene and a body shutting down. It was very distinct. (more to come...)

A Taste of ...

I believe we are put on this earth to care for one another − plain and simple, that is
our purpose. After all, Jesus emphasized and commanded his disciples to "love one another." 

The connectivity in knowing Jesus, bonded his followers to each other, just as I think there is a great deal of proof of our own connectivity with all humanity. The strange things that happen to many of us are part of that proof, and why my book, If It Hadn't Happened to Me, was written. (It should be published in September). 

In my last blog, I promised a glimpse of the contents in my future articles. Following is from the Author's Note section: 

When I decided to write this book, I requested stories only from trusted individuals whom I knew, or from others who were trusted by those individuals. Some of the stories are from fellow authors who have previously written about their experiences, and some are from the most unlikely sources − people I never really expected to respond. What I also discovered in requesting stories is, even many of those who had not had experiences to relate, often knew stories about other people who had. And there were some who never encountered or knew of anyone who had experienced such events, yet were still open to and believed such things happen.

It was also interesting that some people had only one story to tell and others had many. Strangely, one of those individuals said she had once read these types of “unbelievable” experiences run in families. With a few submissions in this book, that seems to be correct, but due to respect for anonymity, I can’t disclose which writers are related.

As a final note, I appreciate the willingness of all who shared their stories with me for this book. There are accounts where the reader may still question the validity of what someone wrote, but that is the point of the book. Those who shared their experiences, too, would not have believed what happened if it hadn’t happened to them.